Tuesday, July 7, 2015

1 Trillion Dollar$

"And you know why we don't go over to their side?"

"Because they have tacky shoes?"

"Because they're evil."


Nothing in the Michigan UP seemed normal or commonplace. The land was all forest and eerie small town folk who inherited peaky owlish eyes from generation after weirdo generation. The entire northern peninsula was vibe-ing a socially inept country slasher behavior. Completed with the anxious notion that they all held blood covered bibles over their hearts while they chopped a sinner's head off in the name of Jesus. 

Burly men with obscenely furry chests dominated the population. No-shave-november? More like no-shave-never. Seriously, it was as if they had awesome beards even since infancy.

Most Northern UP men were caught sporting strictly Carhart outer clothing and the sleek black outfits have been spotted zipping up the midwest. Not that Northern men care about such trends since they're too busy looming over a butchered stag in the dead of winter.  

If these people can't be found crouching somewhere in the middle of nowhere, try the nearest brewery where many of these hairy losers embarrass themselves. 

Everyone was a hunter's daughter or a master of arms in training. Misogyny, racism, and chauvinism hadn't yet been dealt with in these uncivilized parts. 

The star and I figured heading north was our safest bet. Except having Danger MIA and McDonald growing restless like a mad dog... moving anywhere seemed to be a good idea to us.